pg. 376- end

Guess what everybody!? i finished my book today! about time. i kept trying to finish it, but the bell kept ringing and i kept having to get up and close my book and leave class. it was so frustrating, but i did it! i accomplished it at lunch in between my roll eating and milk drinking and it was really good. i really recommend this book.

Basically this last section, is Craig's last full day at the hospital and the day he leaves. on his last day, Craig makes the executive decision that he is going to transfer out of his extremely hard private school into an art school so that he can pursue the things he likes which is drawing maps of people. Also on his last day, everyone in that part of the hospital that Craig has come to know lines up to watch Craig draw and have him draw a map of them. it's kind of weird actually because they just announce it over the PA system that Craig will be drawing for the public which is boring but i guess if your cooped up in a hospital and have mental issues, it can be entertaining.

That night after Craig's family comes for their last visit, his dad comes back and brings this vampire movie for everyone to watch, which is really a setup by Craig himself. Craig's ultimate goal by the end of the night is to get Noelle alone in his room which they have already discussed, they just need everyone distracted and his roommate out... which could have actually have been problematic if Craig wasn't such a genius and brought Egyptian music which his roommate has been whining about not having for the longest time. this gets his roommate out of his room and then Craig and Noelle have alone time.

At first, i don't know what is going to happen because Noelle had wanted to take it so slow, but man do they move fast. i'm not going to describe anything. i will leave that to the author, but it gets pretty hot in that room.

excuse my awkwardness...

anyway, as Craig is leaving the hospital, i love what he is thinking, but it is much to long to type out. basically in a paraphrase Craig lists off a whole bunch of things he wants to do, that he still wants to do because his brain has suddenly shifted from ending his life to living it.

This really was an amazing book. you can really learn a lot from it in the sense of that you only have one life to live so you need to live it and stop wasting your time laying around and worrying about what other people think. do what you want to do because soon, you won't have the opportunity.

pg. 355-376

i am almost done with this book. super ooper dooper excited to see how it ends, but until then, i must tell you what has already happened.

After Noelle catches Craig having an almost moment with Nia in his roommates bed she wants to talk to him. they already have a meeting scheduled for that night, but Craig doesn't know how what he did will change the outcome. When Noelle chows up, shes wearing the I HATE BOYS T- Shirt that i think i attached an image to a previous blog. Craig asks about it, but she makes the distinction that he isn't a boy, but that she hates boys because of thair arrogance and then asks Craig why boys are so arrogant which i think is a little odd. but the thing that really got me was Craig's answer. for some reason, even though i am not a boy, it really seemed to be true. like it jumped out the WOAH, THAT IS WHY. here it is:

"well, you know, we're born into the world seeing that we're just a little bit... we tend to have things a little bit easier than girls. and we tend to assume therefore that the world was built for us, and that we're, you know, the culmination of everything that came before us. and then we get told that having a little bit of this attitude is called balls, and that balls are good, and we kind of take it from there."

i thought it was rather insightful for Craig because they do have it easier and it sucks and they think they are awesome... and they aren't.

also in this section, Craig and Noelle become really close. Noelle lets herself go and reveals that her cuts on her face will never go away and that she is scared that she will never be able to get a job or live a normal life because of it and Craig comforts her and is there for her to be her shoulder to cry on. or chest i think to be specific. they dont kiss yet, but they hug which is a major step in the relationship of Craig and Noelle.

pg. 304- 355

so guess what? first of all in this section, Craig has a couple of visitors. the first being dr. minerva (his therapist) who is there to help him and guide him home i guess..talk about his feelings. you know. the normal shrink stuff, just the fact that he intends on going home soon, but something interesting does happen. before she shows up, Craig's principal from his fancy private school calls the hospital and Craig answers the phone AND HANGS UP! dr. minerva makes him call the principal back though which he totally puts up a fight with but he does. but after the phone call is said and done, Craig lives and its not so bad. apparently, he thought that he would be kicked out of school for health reasons which is stupid.
the second visitor arrives later on. it's Nia, which normally would be okay, but her and Aaron had recently broken up and Craig is supposed to be interested in Noelle. so this little action really confuses him. all the old feeling come rushing back and he really can't see how cant get with her, i guess is the proper terms...
they sit on the bench for a while talking and getting closer and closer and you know in your mind when your reading this part where its going to lead. then Nia asks if Craig wants to show her his room... which is totally against policy. it's so aggravating the way they go about wanting to do it though. first of all, he throws her onto his stinky roommate's bed that probably hasn't showered in weeks and just so happens to be gone when they enter the room. and second of all, they don't even close the door. Craig is just really stupid and shouldn't be surprised when his roommate walks by the door and reacts to what he sees happening on his bed. i mean... wouldn't you? at first, his roommate reacts in like a screaming "sex! sex in my bed!" manner but then he sort of covers for Craig and it turned out okay in the end. the only part is that Nia goes home dissatisfied and grossed out and never returns again.
what a great end to a weird chapter. you didn't need need her anyway Craig. you want Noelle.

pg. 286-304

After Noelle and Craig have their 5 minute question game in the hallway, they have to go to the activity center for arts and crafts. I probably haven't mentioned this before because there is just so many things to talk about with this book and you exclude so much, but when Craig was younger he used to trace maps of certain areas of New York. Until one day when he couldn't get the exact shape of Manhattan, got completely enraged, and wanted to quit. Fortunately, his mom mentioned the idea that he didn't have to trace maps, but that he could draw his own. of cities and towns and highways, all that he could make up and it wouldn't matter if messed up. Craig did this for quite a while as a kid until he turned nine and resorted to video games. but before then, those maps had been his anchor and had made him happy.
so... back to the arts and crafts. Craig gets there and everyone is wanting him to draw something, so they try to unblock his mind and think of things he could possibly draw. it's no use with Craig though. he doesn't listen to a word anyone says until Noelle suggests that he draw something from his childhood. this sparks something in Craig immediately. before she even has time to finish her question, Craig is gone in the world of map making. he start s designing the kind of maps he did when he was a kid with rivers, highways, roads, and bridges. everyone is watching him do this by the way because they think his artwork is beautiful. but as he is doing it, one of the patients asks if he is drawing a brain, which again makes Craig think: "it could look like a brain, like if all the roads were twisted neurons, pulling your emotions from one place to another, bringing the city to life. A working brain is probably a lot like a map, where anybody can get from one place to another on the freeways. it's the nonworking brains that get unblocked, that have the dead ends, that are under construction like mine."
This one girls thought inspires Craig to draw a head around his map( like the cover of the original book), making it the only one he has ever finished.
This sparked me to remember things that i used to draw as a young kid. so far i have come up with ugly pug dogs, butterflies, elephant butts... i was a cool cat. i would have rather drawn maps. it seems a lot cooler.

pg. 263-286

guess what everyone?! you know how i kept asking when i was going to meet Noelle (the girl on the cover)?? Well i did! ABOUT TIME! as soon as Craig and Noelle meet face to face, they immediately jump into this question game that i saw in the trailer. It's her idea... Noelle's first question is "do you think i am gross-looking?" which is a real ice breaker. The thing about this girl is that she has cuts all over her face, well scars and scabs from the cuts she had when she came into the hospital 27 days ago. like most people( well i shouldn't say most... correction: most normal depressed people.) cut their wrists when they get nervous, i guess she cuts her face with scissors, which cant look that great. But from the way Craig describes her, he can look past the cuts ans see the real girl underneath:  "they don't look like very deep cuts, and they're thin- i have a feeling that when they heal up she'll look fine. and she's beautiful. her eyes are green and knowing."
At the end of their question game, Craig thinks that their 5 minute encounter has been enough to fall in love and ask her out and kiss her. he actually asks if he can kiss her, which i think is kinda lame, and Noelle reacts of course and tells him that he can certainly not kiss her. multiple times they do this actually. Craig never gets the hint. until he leans forward after being denied twice and she walks backward and suggests a race to the arts and crafts room. he even tries to hold her hand. just let it go buddy. its been 5 minutes.
see, thats the thing with these guys. you share a few minor details about your personal life and they think its time to go in for the kill, i guess they would say. i don't know. you have probably figured out that i'm not a guy..

pg. 252- 263

this is the chapter where Aaron (Craig's best friend who smokes pot and hooks up with girls, if i haven't already informed you) and Nia (Aaron girlfriend who Craig has a huge crush on but only recently found out that he never had a chance with her which put Craig into the hospital...) call directly to the hospital. It's really Craig's fault for calling Nia earlier using the same phone and not being smart enough to realize that Aaron is actually smart and could trace the number to locate his whereabouts....
Anyway, Aaron calls drunk and high from a stupid party and Craig answers the phone like shocked and panicked that someone actually knows, besides his family that he is in a psychiatric hospital... Craig can hear the drunk people in the back ground laughing. and they are constantly taking the phone away from Aaron and asking Craig things like "dude, can you give me some Vicodin?" which might be funny... i laughed.
The whole phone conversation gets really heated when Craig starts revealing things about Nia that she has entrusted Craig with due to their mutual mental problems and such. but since Aaron doesn't seem to pay attention to anything but Nia's butt, he gets angry and accuses Craig of liking his girlfriend and telling him how to treat her. for some reason, Aaron thinks that Craig is making up all this depression stuff just to have everyone feel bad for him, including Nia. what a great friend he is....
without even telling you how the conversation ends, i think you can guess that it is probably not going to end with an apology or a "i love you man." instead, it ends with a couple of words that i am not sure if i am allowed to release on this blog.... but i think you know.
Craig has had it hard though and to lose his friends over this, might just make it worse. i feel you Craig, i hate some of my friends too.

pg. 151-252

It's been awhile since i have blogged about this book. but since then, a lot has happened. Craig admitted himself into the psych ward with other mental people. he met a transvestite, bipolar, and a sex addict. what great roommates huh? I'm still on the first day of his arrival, but so far he seems to be doing better just by being in a different place. He used to have trouble eating anything without throwing it up and growing into slop sweat, but on the first day here, he had two helpings of chicken. i don't know really whats going on in his brain, but GO CRAIG!
 it's funny. i'm talking like he is an actual person. but if he was, i am sure i would visit him in the hospital and congratulate him on his progress...

i'm still wanting to meet the girl on the front cover. ^ this one right here. i think her name is supposed to be noelle. i might have already met her because there was this mysterious, awkward girl who kept slipping Craig notes, but she never revealed her name. I guess i am just going to have to continue reading to find out for sure.  :) yay

pg. 100-151

In these 50 pages, Craig describes how his depression has got to the current point. He starts with his first doctor visit, to the next one, to the next one, to the next one, until he settles on his present one. Also in this chapter, Craig realizes that wanting to kill himself has become a major problem and he needs more help than what he is getting. He starts by calling the suicide hotline which direct him to little to no help except telling him to go to the nearest hospital and tell them about his suicidal desires. This action is what carries Craig throughout the book.
After Craig has one of his episodes where he eats and "that man tugs on the rope," Craig starts finalizing his suicide. He is going to get up early so he won't wake up anyone and throw himself off the bridge, but Craig doesn't want to go to sleep. So he starts doing push ups with his, weak malnourished body. It is then, after his exercises stop, that Craig realizes he wants to live. He doesn't want to die.
"Badoom. Badoom. Badoom.
My heart is ramming now. It's beating everywhere. It hits all the spots in my body, and I feel the blood pressuring through me, my wrists, my fingers, my neck. It wants to do this, to badoom away all the time. It;s such a silly little thing, the heart.
Badoom.
It feels good, the way it cleans me.
Badoom.
Screw it. I want  my heart.
I want my heart but my brain is acting up."
The mere fact that Craig makes this big of a breakthrough, is an amazing accomplishment. By the looks of it, what he has been through, has taken a toll on him more than anyone could possibly relate to.

pg 50-99

Am i only supposed to read 150 pages of this book this week...  because that's not gonna happen. I can't leave Craig when he needs me the most. Especially when he is thinking he wants to kill himself by hurtling off the Brooklyn bridge into the depths below. Gee... that sounds fun. When Craig goes to the bridge with his best friend Aaron, Craig climbs onto one of the pathways built on top of the trussing that the workers use to fix the cables. He walks across it. which if you can imagine looking down, there is about three lanes of traffic beneath you. Surprisingly he makes it to the other side without killing himself.
But that part is not the part that made me laugh. when we makes it to the other side, he does that titanic move (you know the one where she looks like a bird against the wind on the tip of the ship), he does that, and yells at the top of his lungs, EULALIA! whatever that means. it just made me laugh. i am sure he felt some sense of empowerment standing on the top of the bridge against the wind, and in some respect, i wouldn't mind feeling the same thing.... just in safer conditions. with my luck, the wind would knock me over into oncoming traffic and once i fell onto the bridge, a car would ram me into the water.

imagine jumping off this... or just standing on top

This is also the chapter in the book which Craig decides he does want to die and he wants to do there, on top of the brooklyn bridge.

pg. 1-49

Fifty pages through this book and i can't put it down. The main character, Craig, seems to be going through some sort of mental illness where he can't get himself to eat more than a few bites without getting sick and can't seem to talk to people besides his therapist and his family. i love the way the author, Ned Vizzini, describes Craig's problems with eating by referring it to a man pulling on a rope.
"It's like a gnawing , the tug of a rope, wrapped around the end of my esophagus. There's a man down there and he wants food, but the only way he knows to ask for it is to to on the rope, and when he does, it closes up the entrance so i can't put anything in. If he would just relax, let the rope go, I'd be able to give him all the food he wanted."
i think that is just great, but that's just one persons opinion. I'm trying to imagine what it must feel like to be Craig. Alone in this crazy world that you used to belong to, but all of a sudden, something just snapped one day and you are no longer apart of it. He says that he envies his miracle dog that is supposed to be dead because it has a reason to be dead, he has an excuse not to be alive, unlike him. I'm feeling pretty awful for Craig at this point. He says that he loves his parents and he is thankful for everything that they have done for him, but he is sorry they have to live with him and his problem.
I'm thinking about my life and my parents. It's not like i'm depressed or anything and deserve to live in a psych ward somewhere, but i have problems, everyone has problems, but I know that my parents have done a lot for me over the years and i'm not always grateful for it like Craig seems to be.
maybe i should go to a psych ward... i'm sure a few people would agree. the first being my parents.